The Myth of the ‘Naturally Confident’ Person

The Myth of the ‘Naturally Confident’ Person

Let’s get this one thing straight - no one actually knows what they’re doing. No one “has it all”. Seriously. Not your boss, not your friend, not your colleague and certainly not that effortlessly cool Instagram influencer that you have been following since ages. They are all just winging it. Some people are just better at pretending that they have their act put together.

And that, my friend, is confidence. It’s not a magical trait that only a lucky few are born with. It’s a life-skill and a well-practiced one.  Sometimes, even a borrowed one. Because the truth is - most confident people are faking it. And so can you.

Picture this: You have a work event to attend in the evening. Your day starts with an anxious feeling. Who all will be there? How can I make a good impression? What can I say to make them like me more? How can I be “cooler” to hang-out with? Maybe this can create prospects for my promotion. Oh God. I have a high-stake work-party. Your social anxiety starts doing cartwheels. When you arrive there, you are convinced that everyone is silently judging your existence. And then, you spot that one person. He glides in like he owns the place. He is laughing, shaking hands, effortlessly charming everyone within a 10-foot radius. He doesn’t stutter. He smiles, naturally. You assume he was just born this way.  Well, plot twist: he wasn’t. Confidence isn’t genetic. It’s not some VIP trait passed down through generations like an heirloom watch. It’s something people build, practice, and yes -sometimes completely fake until it sticks.

It's a scientifically known fact that babies are born with only 2 natural fears: height (or rather falling) and loud noises. That's it. No one is born with the fear of placing a subway order in front of 4 unknown people. No social anxiety as a baby. (one more reason why babies are awesome-blossom). 

Then how is this social awkwardness creeping inside us? Because we are good at convincing ourselves that we are born this way.  Maybe you grew up in an environment where you were initially not able to express yourself freely. So, it stuck with you. That your opinions are not worth it. You stopped expressing it all together under the fear that it would get rejected. And slowly, just the fear persisted. Or maybe you were always surrounded by overly extroverted people. There could be a lot of reasons why you don’t “feel confident”. 

But confidence my friend is an art that requires practice and discipline. You don’t believe me? Let’s talk about Beyoncé.

Stealing Confidence: The Ethical Kind

What would you do if you were going to a party and wanted to straighten your hair but your straightener broke? You would borrow it from your friend, right? Because no one is bothered with the origin story of the straightener as long as you look presentable. Same goes with confidence. If you don’t feel confident, you can borrow it from someone who does. No, I don’t mean physically snatching it from a stranger like it’s a wallet. I mean mentally channeling the energy of someone who exudes the kind of confidence you want. Think of a person you admire. It could be a celebrity, your best friend, your boss, or even a fictional character. Someone who carries themselves with the kind of self-assuredness you wish you had. 

Example: What would Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation do? 

Would they shrink into a corner? Would they over-apologize for existing? Would they awkwardly hover by the snack table pretending to text someone? Nope. They’d own the room, make eye contact, and talk like they belong there. So, act like them. Pretend you are them.  (Read: Don't Copy). Channel their energy until it feels like your own.

Your aura that you reflect on others is your own. Novel. Unique. But it's a recipe with combined ingredients that you can borrow and work upon. 

Confidence is Just Acting with Conviction

Ever noticed how some people say the most ridiculous things but still manage to sound convincing? That’s because confidence isn’t always about being right - it’s about sounding like you know what you’re talking about. Its why people believe motivational speakers even when they’re spewing nonsense like “wake up at 3 AM, drink raw egg yolks, and scream affirmations at the sun.”

It’s all about delivery, how confident you are about what you are going to say. It doesn't have to be 100% right. But surely, it has to be seen right. 

If you say something with enough conviction, people assume you know what’s up. So instead of prefacing your opinions with “I might be wrong, but…” or “This is probably dumb, but…”-- just say the thing. Own it. Fake the certainty if you have to. Because people don’t follow the person who might know what they’re doing. They follow the one who acts like they do.

The ‘Fake CEO’ Technique

Imagine this: You’re the CEO of a major company. (I know you are picturing yourself in a business suit and over the top expensive shoes and laptop). You walk into any room and it feels like you own the building. Would a CEO apologize for existing? Would they whisper when they talk? Would they nervously fidget with their sleeves? Would they touch their glasses again and again out of social anxiety? Nope. They’d walk with purpose, look people in the eye, and speak like they belong.

Try this in real life. The next time you enter a room - whether it’s a party, a meeting, or a coffee shop - walk in like you run the place. Shoulders back, head up, unbothered energy. CEO Vibe check. Even if you feel like an anxious wreck inside, don’t let your body show it. The way you carry yourself changes the way people perceive you. And, over time, it’ll change the way you perceive yourself too.

Final Thoughts: Time to Fake It (For Now)

The only difference between a confident person and someone who wishes they were confident is this: one is pretending, and the other isn’t even trying. So, try. You may try and fail but don't fail to try. Fake the self-belief. Borrow it from someone else if you have to. Walk like you own the place, even if your brain is screaming “run”.  Because one day, after enough practice, you’ll wake up and realize…You’re not faking it anymore.